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Our Odds and Friends

by Short Shorts

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1.
I see the blonde hair on your arms Stick straight up when you answer the call I admire how expressive you are I hate feelings that don't have a word A heartache could be reduced to a term Slap on a definition, tuck it away and Save it for another day I see you lock eyes with another boy I know you love him, and I know I want you One flash of lightning But no booming thunder There's no romantic bone left in my body Just a longing to be, a longing to feel something new We could be so healthy for each other Sorting through these post-gender blues (I never wanted to exert any pressure So I remained apathetic forever Under cover I'd never ever tell the girl that I love her Nothing's lost and Nothing's gained and Learn to live with my head underwater) I had a dream that the snow all melted away The ground exposed, oh, there it was clear as day The only sign of life was its outstretched hand It was clawing It was grasping How it wanted How it needed
2.
Tomorrow you'll see it through The clouded out disguises put you in the room And though I wandered out alone A thousand lights abounded on our home And I remember every sound it made The clouded out disguises and the grave So yeah I know I'm still afraid Of letting go of choices I have made All delighted people raise their hands And I took you by the sleeve No other reason than to be your leading man And you woke up with a fright Our lives depended on the visions through the night And all we had always, all we had always wanted to before The hurricane inclined us, grappling on the floor All delighted people raise their hands (I'm not easily confused)
3.
Oh! I'm an evil little man And I don't want you to understand And we shouldn't be making plans Cuz I'm an evil little I want you to know that I'm a piece of shit And I will never get over it Being a dick is in my DNA Closed mouth, nothing kind to say I'm the kind of fuck who laughs when others cry Hold on a second, I'll poke your eye I'm what your mom called a little monster A joke to me is saying I fucked her And if you see me walking down the street Do me a favor and shoot me in the head Oh! I'm an evil little man Got all this dirt up under my nails I'll take the wind right out of your sails Cuz I'm an evil little See, now that I've addressed you can't hold me accountable for all my shitty behavior. If you talk to me about it, I'll just say, "Hey, I'm being self aware! I'm doing a bit! I'm doing a bit!"
4.
It's been seven hours and fifteen days Since you took your love away I go out every night and sleep all day Since you took your love away Since you been gone I can do whatever I want I can see whomever I choose I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant But nothing I said nothing can take away these blues 'Cause nothing compares Nothing compares to you It's been so lonely without you here Like a bird without a song Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling Tell me baby where did I go wrong I could put my arms around every boy I see But they'd only remind me of you I went to the doctor and guess what he told me? Guess what he told me? He said girl you better try to have fun No matter what you do, but he's a fool 'Cause nothing compares Nothing compares to you
5.
In the morning and the nighttime Walking home alone never feels quite right But hey, don't feel bad I'm doing okay Go into the camp and cut off his head But no one believes that their leader is dead That's the sort of thing you don't about So I'm sorry I did So what's the point of it anyway? You quote the Bible with nothing new to say I relate a little too strongly To Old Testament vengeance Do you really think that we're gonna die? If so, it's hilarious that we're even alive A perfect subversion of expectations I'm getting old And so are you So I need you to listen To these words They're the words in my heart I would say if I was stronger now Oh, trying to be, trying to know
6.
[Ted] Spent the summer trying to relax Bottled water infused with an extract I'm still not quite sure how to live Though one day I met a woman who did And I was gonna ask her all about it But you know me, I got some bad habits I get nervous, get a little nervous [Jeff Karaoke] Actually, nah, man, I'm over that shit Let's hit the girl's bathroom and whip out our dicks Watch 'em get flaccid like a lit cigarette If you weren't a movie, it'd be True Grit It's what you need, take it from me I make all these songs without stopping to breathe My lung capacity grows, I know it fucking shows Oh you all know the places I'll go If I have worries it's because of Kuleshov Making problems out of nothing that I can't solve [Ted] When I have a daughter, I think I'll name her Diane Help her choose a new name when she becomes a man Sometimes a goth is what I wanna be Walk around in black and whisper this devil-speak Just once I'd like, just once I need To write one of these songs, oh, perfectly Then I'd never have to write another song again
7.
That old dog has chained you up all right Give you everything you need To live inside a twisted cage Sleep beside an empty rage Sleep beside in empty rage I had a dream I was your hero Damn, I wish I was your lover I'd rock you till the daylight comes Make sure you are smiling and warm I am everything Tonight I'll be your mother I'll do such things to ease your pain Free your mind and you won't feel ashamed This monkey can't stand to see you black and blue I give you something sweet each time you Come inside my jungle book Was it just too good? Don't say you'll stay Cause then you go away Damn I wish I was your lover I'll fuck you till the daylight comes Make sure you are smiling and warm I am everything Tonight I'll be your mother I'll do such things to ease your pain Free your mind and you won't feel ashamed Fuck! For me there is no other You're the only shoe that fits I can't imagine I'll grow out of it Damn I wish I was your lover If I was your girl believe me I'd turn on the Rolling Stones We could groove along and feel much better Let me in I could do it forever and ever, ever n' ever Give me an hour to kiss you Walk through heaven's door I'm sure We don't need no doctor to feel much better Let me in Forever and ever and ever and ever
8.
I'm Tired 01:22
I'm tired I really am It's been 6 weeks And I'm only half sure of where I am Don't hand me that shit Man, I won't take it How come it's never enough for you? After tonight, we're through My body is no longer a temple It's just a dirty place people go to fuck around My brain is being neglected My legs are tired of dancing I've got no hope left, but I'm glad that someone does These red raw eyes are closing Get out of my bed right fucking now Night after night will kill me Supplemented by the shame of the day But if you understood the context You'd agree there's no other way
9.
It's really precarious to deify any public figure Cuz as we know in this day and age Things can get messy in those shades of grey People disagree on rhetorical strategies And scrutinize what this person stands to gain While I'm all for pragmatism prevailing I've heard the words that send souls sailing Oh, the new face of America's youth I saw you on the news today I'm rooting for you every day Oh, girl You won't be trivialized You won't be marginalized Until there's justice for those who died You gotta respect the verve of these kids You gotta respect the fucking nerve of these kids You gotta respect it
10.
Where are we? What the hell is going on? The dust has only just begun to form Crop circles in the carpet Sinking, feeling Spin me around again And rub my eyes This can't be happening When busy streets A mess with people Would stop to hold their heads heavy Hide and seek Trains and sewing machines All those years They were here first (oooohhhh watchu sayyyyy...)
11.
Another fuckhead out of my life He won't get me into trouble Another fuckhead out my life Get this child off my level
12.
[Instrumental]
13.
Sara, you should know that your words meant the world to me And I think you'd agree we're worth more than some chemistry You, you helped me see There's affection between The harsh lines I'd drawn And now We're doing just fine We met down the line And it's all thanks to you

about

Some B-sides, some C-sides, and some covers. It's all good fun!

credits

released February 24, 2018

Written, performed, and produced by Ted Henry
Big thanks to Jeff Karaoke for the feature

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Short Shorts Portland, Maine

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